The Week In Non-Binary 5: GET OUT!

It's all about being out

Source:https://freefilmfestivals.org/event/get-out/

Another week, another outing of sorts. There were a few other things to mention too

Firstly, I was still puzzling over who at work had seen my inadvertent outing the other week. One colleague I thought might be open enough to speak to me about it was due back after a period of sick leave. This was all working towards how I was going to present at the Christmas party in a couple of weeks. I'd been war-gaming various scenarios, but mostly it was about taking off the half day, checking into my hotel that I'd booked, going out shopping for an outfit, and allowing me plenty of time to get back to my room and make a big effort with makeup, hair and painting my nails. I'd head out to catch an Uber to the venue and make my grand entrance where I would be the star attraction, with a quiz and comedy set. Like a RuPaul's Drag Race finale without the lip-syncing or the industrial stucco highlighting

What a drag

I'd started concentrating on both of the comedy and the quiz when I had the time. The quiz was going to be three rounds covering celebtrities who'd died this year, a music round and a round on news stories from the year. This is why this edition of TWINB is a bit late. The comedy set was shaping up nicely too, with some material on being enby (very important if I was going to be wearing a dress), something on Teams meetings and a few other topics. I'd made enquiries about getting a slot at another comedy night to run out some of my new material. I was still unsure if I'd go through with it. but even if I wasn't going full femme, I was still going to push the androgyny in a bigger way than last year.

Yeah, Christmas, I'm coming for you

Source: https://aminoapps.com/c/books/page/blog/representing-an-androgynous-character/DQiP_ul6egbReeD4ZoaMNdDzEeRXX

All these things were running around in my head then they came to an abrupt stop. Early this week I found out that the do was cancelled. It resolved the dilemma of how I was going to present, but I do feel gutted that the decision is taken away from me. I was really looking forward to the shopping if nothing else. I've currently still got the hotel booking as there may be a bit of a pub crawl anyway, but this would be straight from work and not really the opportunity to "come out". On the other hand, I could use the hotel anyway, revert to the same idea but see if there is anywhere to go on my own in town. Now, I've done a little research and it seems options are very limited for LGBTQ+ friendly bars in the town I work (I'm aware of one). I mean, I don't need to stick to LGBTQ+ bars as I seem to pass as a woman without any problems, but I don't want to draw the sort of attention a short, red-headed, middle-aged woman might attract if she is going to bars on her own. I'm still deliberating on whether to do this, but I need to cancel my hotel up to three days before.

The other red-haired quiz master.

I've got better legs

The other landmark incident this week was that I had a friend request on my Bex FB profile from a former colleague. I don't use that profile very much and there's no direct connection between my "other" FB (or Insta) account and Bex, but she found it. I'd seen her suggested as a friend on Insta, so it's probably related to that. Obviously there was no denying that it's me so I messaged her to say "That's me busted!". We had a lovely chat and she was very supportive. Funnily enough she said she kind of always knew, which surprises me, then again, maybe I've always given off transy vibes. It does show though that it's quite easy to cross-reference between accounts and find me. I mean, it's not a secret per se, though people wouldn't know to look for Bex under my other name and vice-versa, but it is a risk. Saying risk, this is a term related to a bad outcome and I'm at a stage where I don't care if the information gets out, but I would prefer I was the one controlling it and need to consider impact on other people. I do feel I'm on the verge of being "out" out, however that might happen. I can talk about the implications of this in another post, if it hasn't happened by then.

At the present rate, it's only a matter of time

Another thing I want to mention happened Friday. As it might be apparent from this blog, I'm very much a happy-go-lucky, Pollyanna type (just call me Hayley Mills), not one of those woe-is-me people. I compartmentalise things easily and don't dwell on things too much and I certainly don't wallow in miserable thoughts, I don't do dysphoria is what I'm saying. I also don't really class myself as properly trans as I've no intention of transitioning (though technically I am, because trans is defined as identifying as a gender identity different to that which you were assigned at birth, and nobody is assigned non-binary at birth, but I digress). Then last Friday a few things happened which did give me some dysphoric feelings. The cold snap meant my road had turned ito the Cresta Run so I decided to work from home and I threw on a Tikiboo skort, an Animal hoodie and some Snags and it felt comfortable and right to be dressed like that while working. On the same day, a friend who teaches Body Combat at another gym messaged me to say she was going to be covering one of my scheduled classes over Christmas. She's another fan of Tikiboo and I know she had worn a skort before so I asked her if she was going to be in a skort. My reasoning is that I've been essentially presenting as female at the gym for a while now and I think I am ready to knock it up a notch and wear a skort myself, so it made sense that I'd do it when I knew someone who was going to be doing the same. Then the final kick in the phantom fanny was seeing the fantastic Jordan Gray on The Last Leg and she looked fab which made me wonder what it would be like if I did present femme more.

No, I ain't doing gingham

Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/Pollyanna1960

Otherwise, this week I had a haircut. A while back, a friend who happens to be trans told me about a woman who did her hair and gave me her contact details. This woman has cut my hair ever since and she does a great job. This time it had been a while since I last had it cut so it did need a trim back to my neat bob length. Unfortunately, she had to cancel my appointment on Tuesday and rescheduled it to Wednesday so I missed two nights at the gym. The weather put paid to Satursday's Spin too so I'm down on my usual gym regime for the week. This means there aren't many active wear pictures to choose from.

Working from home, the perfect outfit Great legs!

I think this was for boxing training The hair I like

Speaking of my hair. as my pics show, I'm ginger and I've been ambivalent towards my hair most of my life. It's been a target for bullying and stands out in the crowd. Sometimes I even felt like it actually shone out like a beacon, drawing attention to me. It made trying to grow it as a teenager into heavy metal difficult because, with my height, it meant I was often mis-gendered. At the time, in the 80s amongst peers, it was mortifying. Therefore my attempts to grow my hair to a good head-banging length kind of ran out of steam, as much because I didn't try to get it styled properly. Now, however, when I've come to terms with being enby and I'm trying to project an androgynous appearance, it's my literal crowning glory. I absolutely love it. The thing is, when I first had the idea of presenting more androgynously, I looked up "androgynous hairstyles" and Google threw up mostly pictures of glamorous, attractive female celebrities who'd had their hair cut a little bit shorter than normal, so it was difficult to get any decent ideas, but the general theme seemed to be for longer styles. Another thing I found out, however, was when I fed pictures into FaceApp and did the gender change function, the only real, noticeable difference was that my hair was longer. I came to the conclusion that if I needed to present a more femme appearance, I needed to grow out my hair. So I did, and I've never looked back.

A post-workout pic from lockdown put through FaceApp The left is original, the right is with the "female" filter on FaceApp. I've grown may hair and look closer to the right image now.

And who doesn't trust a basic online AI filter program?

For a tune, how about some White Stripes? This is a great video and the oblique link is the line in the second verse "Red hair and a curl". I'm just a regular Titian bitch™.