Non-binary 101- Episode 8

It's been way too long since I last updated this blog. Not only that, but I'm publishing this update literally months after I started writing it so there are otherr entries that will be coming along soon to get up to date. For this entry I'd done a few comedy gigs:

Jackanory at Boogie Woogie Bagel Bar in Wakefield

Getting Gobby in the Lobby at Lobby 1867 in Wakefield

Jockularity at The Hop in Wakefield

Scratch 'n' Sniff at Santiago in Leeds (as my new comedy charcter)

The first of these, Jackanory, run by my lovely friend, Halima Myatt, happened on a Saturday afternoon. OK, technically it wasn't a "comedy gig" as it's a spoken word event with poets and other writers, but I was there to deliver my usual off-colour jokes amongst the precise, finely-crafted verse and elegant prose offered by the other performers. I'd dressed in black leggings (Tikiboo, obvs) with a femme top (a Marvel Daredevil T-shirt, gender identity aside, Daredevil is by far the best superhero ever and I'll die fighting on that hill). I'd fluffed up my hair and put on a bit of light makeup so I was looking decidedly unbutch. Now, the venue for this spoken word session, Jackanory, is a place selling bagels in the middle of Wakefield. The space upstairs for the event is nice. Cosy enough to make a pleasant, intimate afternoon of performanes. The food is good (I'm quite partial to a nice bagel) and coffee is also decent, if a little expensive. What isn't so good, however, was the fact that the man serving me (who I think was the owner) referred to me as "sir". Clearly, given my presentation, I wasn't expecting to be called "sir". I mean, I'm not expecting to be referred to as "madam" either, just to be clear, but the point is, why use any sort of address like that at all? Nobody uses "sir" or "madam" as a matter of routine in this country anyway, so it seems forced and trying to make a point. I'll talk about this later in the post.

Doing Jackanory

I know it's of my back but those leggingss do make my arse look great

This was how I looked from the front

Anyway, the performance went well, with people politely laughing. I ran out some new material for my character act who is slated to make an appearance at the end of February, but more about her (yes, she's female) below. Suffice it to say, the act is coming together nicely. Afterwards I has a wander round the shops in town to get some ideas for an outfit for this comedy charater act and bought the first part of her "look" in a charity shop.

The second one, Getting Gobby in the Lobby, was another spoken-word gig, this time in the evening. I had a tiny 4 minute spot as this is the allocation for open mic acts, pretty much all of whom were poets. Saying this, the reception to my short set was really good and I have to admit that I feel much more at home in this environment than at comedy nights. These feel like my people. It's probably an age thing, given that most of the people there were middle-aged, like me, but also they accept me in my non-binary presentation, and we also share largely similar political persuasions too. In terms of outfits, I'd gone for tthe burgundy faux-leather leggings that I'd picked up at Asda after my last edition of Jockularity. I really like them, though I resent tthey don't have pockets like my Tikiboo collection..

Getting Gobby in the Lobby

The whole ensemble

Jockularity went well. I've finally got the bar to change my name on the screen behind the stage as well, though it does look like it's been done with Letraset, but it now says "Bex Shields". We had a good variety of acts as usual. Outfit of the evening was a Tikiboo skort with Harajuku t-shirt that I'm fond of, oh, and some new boots I'd bought from Cider in the recent sale which looked quite good, I think.

I finally managed to get a pic of me in action! The screen does say "Bex Shields", honest

In better light, at home

Finally, Gail Warning, Demotivtional Speaker had her debut at Scratch 'n' Sniff at Santiago Bar in Leeds (where I did my first gig of the year, as mentioned in the last blog entry). Gail is a corporate speaker who encourages utter laziness by subverting the wanky, vacuous, cod-psychological slogans that are spewed out in the corporate world. She is, at least in part, based on Liz Truss, in terms of her style. I did try and do some research on Truss in an attempt to study her manner of delivery of speaking, but it's really hard work as she is such an awful human being and a charisma black hole to boot, so it's difficult to watcher her speak without feeling physically ill. Gail dresses like your typical high-powered woman in business (that's the irony: she looks like a Dragon's Den judge, but is telling people to basically do nothing), so it's shift dresses and kitten heels (see below). I'd written and had been practicing my set, so had it pretty much off-pat. I'd got ready at home, straightened my hair, attempted a business makeup look, but decided to put on my outfit proper at the venue before I hit the stage. I wore leggings and a hoodie to drive there (I've not worn heels before, and certainly didn't fancy attempting to drive in kitten ones). Arriving I found two things working against me. Firstly, it was freezing cold, and very much not condusive to stepping into a short-sleeved shift dress, and, secondly, the audience was comprised entirely of other male comedians (with the exception of my partner in crime, Jeanette), being the other acts on the bill. Furthermore, I was not on until the final segment, meaning that the audience would be much lower as acts on earlier tend to leave. I decided against the planned outfit and did it in my civvies. The material seemed to work well, though I did slip out of character and did most of the set in my usual chatty style, rather than in the manner of Slacker Truss.

Remember, a salad vegetable is not just for the length of PM,'s tenure. It can last much longer

So, the tale of the kitten heels. I decided that Gail's presentation needed to have kitten heels, along with a sharp business look. I thought a dress would be better than a suit as I'm an uneven size, being a size 10 bottom and size 12 top. A bit of charity shop digging and I found the perfect dress after the set on Saturday afternoon in the Bagel Bar. It's a monochrome shift dress and definitely says corporate harridan. I decided that Gail is the sort of person who wears kitten heels, so I was on the look out for some in my size. I found nothing while scouring the charity shops of Wakey. Then I saw Vinted being mentioned on some FB groups so I thought I'd try that. Oh my God, it's amazing. There is too much to look at. I went to look for some kittens and found a lot of options. It's difficult to see exactly what they look like on the small pics and, obviously, it's not possible to know how they fit. However, I saw a pair and ordered them. They arrived and seemed a little loose, though they were supposedly in my size (and, yes, I am aware of the inconsistency in sizing of clothes and shoes, especially women's). I figured they'd be OK. Now, our son is hard work. His behaviour is very often challenging. One night, after he'd been put to bed, we heard him banging around upstairs (he does this a lot after he's been put to bed), but definitely sounded like he was slamming wardrobe doors in our room. I went up to see what he was up to and he held the duvet tightly around him, so I knew he'd done somethnig. Anyway, I eventually found out he had found my kitten heels and had them on. I'd be hypocritical if I objected to him trying on women's shoes, but I was really angry that he'd forced his size 8 feet into my size 6 work shoes, and had kept them on for a while. I recovered them and next time I tried them on, I discovered they'd stretched so I probably couldn't wear them. I also discovered that they were a wide fitting (which hadn't appeared on the Vinted description), so that did explain how they were quite loose in the first place.

The kitten heels!

So, back to the thing I mentioned above about the male terms of address. I'm generally not precious about being called "mate" in most settings, though it is starting to be a little jarring to me, but that's usually because the person using those terms don't know I'm enby. The thing becomes glaringly obvious, though, when I'm presenting more femme. It's not just being referred to as "mate", "dude" or "sir", but it's the intention behind it. It starts to become forced, as if the man (and it has always been men that have done this so far) sees me as feminine but realises I'm not a woman. It's forcing the point, like "I know you've got a penis", but it does highlight the fragility of their masculinity. "You're one of us. I thought you were one of them, but now I know you're not". It's an attempt to assert some power over me. This, my lovely friends, is what they mean when they talk about "microaggressions".

I don't Klingon to male terms of address

Elsewise, I've been judiciously adding selected friends to the new FB profile I created under the name Bex. Lots of comedy people, but also selected other people, including former workmates and friends from the gym. I've been very tempted to expand this circle of people to include current workmates and a few other friends. Tempted, yes, but I've not given in and held back so far. Response from the people that I have told have been lovely and supportive. I've said this about before, but to be perfectly honest, it's hardly likely to be an earth-shattering discovery, given how I dress for gym classes.

Just your regular buff gym bro

Speaking of the gym, I was there one Saturday morning after Spin when I usually have a coffee with a good friend. I told her I was enby a long time ago and she's seen some of the pictures and she's been lovely about the whole idea. Some other friends were there too who I'd added to Bex on FB and the subject of Discos from Grown Ups came up. This is a night of nostalgic music from the 70s, 80s and 90s aimed at middle-aged people like me, and they are coming to Ossett in April. It looks like great fun and a lot of my gym friends are going so I had to join them. Now, I'm sure you know where this is going. Yes, I'm going to have to go in a dress. The perfect excuse to get a new outfit for a start. It does raise the question of is it OK with my friends? Experience of late has shown me I pass as female without any major problems (at least until I speak). Also, if I'm going to go stealth, will I need to wear falsies to blend in, or even attempt to soften my voice and speak ina more feminine register? I don't normally go down this route because I'm normally just being me, messing with gender cues and causing gender confusion in other people. On the other hand I don't think this environment is right to do that, especially as I'll be out with women of ages between their 40s and almost 80. It should be a fun girls' night out, and I might chat to my mate about it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't totally thrilled at the prospect.

This entry's tune is about the Disco For Grown-Ups in that it's a banger from the 80s and I'm worried I might cause a situation, so it's Situation by Yazoo. In all honesty, I saw a performance by The Gossip covering this at the 6Music Festival earlier in the year when they brought on Alison Moyet to duet with Beth Ditto (when I grow up I want to be Beth Ditto) and it was fantastic (follow the link, it's still up at the time of writing this). However, there's no video of the performance on Youtube so I'll go with the original version which is also great.