The week in non-binary 3

So, the truth was out there after I inadvertently cross-posted my new enby comedian Insta post to my civie FB feed. As I posted last time, a friend contacted me to mention it, but gave his full support. I was anticipating who may have seen the update at work as I wasn't back until Monday morning.

The weekend went ahead without any problem, though something had changed. I now felt a bit more free, and less concerned about what people thought. It's not a biggie, but I didn't tie my hair back when I went out. After showering following the gym I tried a bit of loose scrunching with a bit of saltwater spray. I've done this before, trying to cultivate a sort of surfer look, which gives plausible deniability to having an androgynous longer style. This time, though, following my experiments with curly hair (following some messing about with FaceApp, see below), I tried a bit harder to scrunch and give me more volume and make it more feminine. I was wearing skinny jeans (M&S, size 10 TYVM) and gender-neutral top for most of the time (when I wasn't in gym leggings, obviously).

Can't remember which class this was after, but I love these Sky Leopard leggings

Monday rolled around and I was mulling over who I would be confronted by when I got into the office. It's funny, but thinking about it now reminds me of any time I've been at some party or other function when I got pissed, misbehaved, then the next morning woke up with all-consuming regret and wondering who I'd managed to piss off the night before. Believe me, this has happened a few times throughout my life. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. This time, no alcohol was involved and I'm not consumed by regret. I've got nothing to prove or be ashamed about and actually it feels a bit liberating.

I got into work and one colleague asked to chat to me (in a friendly way). He said that he'd seen my post and thought I was very brave. I told him I wasn't brave, just stupid. I told him it was a mistake. I also told him I had no idea who had reacted or even seen the post. Anyway, that conversation seemed to break something. Not in a bad, tibia way, but in a more positive way. Broken in a glass capsule inside a glow band that makes it light up kind of a way. I started wearing my hair down at work (I normally wear it tied back in a neat ponytail). I also made my gym outfits that bit more femme. Thursday I wore a pair of leggings called Hourglass from Tikiboo which I'd had for a while, but hadn't tried as they are plain navy and life's too short for dull leggings. However, as the name suggests, they have a sculpting effect so tried them and they are amazing. They fit like they're sprayed on and feel fantastic in wear. I didn't really get the hourglass effect (well, not that I noticed), but they made my bum look gorgeous.

Gratuitous bum shot Seriously, these leggings make my arse look fabulous

After chatting to my colleague at work on Monday, a huge realisation hit me. My range of outfits to choose from for the works Christmas party has now more than doubled, if I'm now actually "out", as I can choose from men's or women's selections (or, indeed, both). I'm now determined to go to the Christmas party in a dress (not a huge leap, as I mentioned in a previous post). I've booked a hotel for the night (I'd not be able to get back that late from where I work to where I live) and I'm planning to take the afternoon off. This means I can buy my dress in town, go back to my room and have plenty of time to get ready, making a real effort with my makeup, paint my nails and do my hair. It's a huge step, though. I don't know how many people in work did see the post, and if any did, did they talk about it to others? I've not been aware I've been the subject of gossip, but I may be. Then again, as Wilde said, "There's only one thing worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about". Besides, me being a bit transy and presenting as a girl at a socal event is a lot more wholesome than colleagues shagging eachother extramaritally. It is a big step though. Seeing me in a frock leaves nobody in any doubt that I was "one of them", but it would be on my terms and in my choice of dress.

As for the rest of the week, there was the usual array of fabulous legwear for the gym. I also wore a pair of women's chinos for work for the early part of the week. I got them online so hadn't tried them, but they fit nicely and feel good to wear. However, they have pretty rubbish front pockets and the rear "pockets" are actuallly fake. What is the fucking point of fake pockets?. I can just about use the two front pockets to take my phone and wallet, but the loss of function is annoying and I now know the reality women have been dealing with for generations. They are largely indistinguishable from my usual boy versions, so I do wonder if it's worth the bother to reduce pocket functionality while wearing ostensibly women's trousers. It should be said that (likethe Hourglass leggings), they make my bum look good really good in spit of the fake pockets, or possibly because of them.

Another gym outfit shot Can't help it, it's what I do

No miss-genders I was aware of this week, but when I went out shopping in leggings and my hair down, I was probably just assumed to be female, and you wouldn't get people pointing and shouting "There's a woman!". It's just another aspect of being androgynous. It doesn't seem to take much tweaking of the gender cues to go from being perceived as a guy to being perceived as a woman. It's all part of the current changes that I seem to be going through which is where this week's tune comes in. I love this song by Sigma featuring Paloma Faith. It's part of one of my favourite running play lists and it's all I can do to not bawl out the lyrics as I run.

Everything is changing Possibly