Non-binary 101: How to be non-binary and middle-aged after a lifetime of the ravages of testosterone

Firstly, come to the conclusion you actually are non-binary. This can take a while (many years in fact). You might even have used the term half-heartedly and even made some pointless gesture, like declaring you were enby in the national census that went round. However, there comes a moment you actually truly realise that being non-binary makes complete sense.

You are here 2021 UK Census results for gender identity in my area. I'm one of them as well as one of "them" Source: https://www.ons.gov.uk/census/maps/choropleth/identity/gender-identity/gender-identity-4a/gender-identity-different-from-sex-registered-at-birth

Cement the idea when you tell your partner or spouse that you are. They may already know of your gender-variant tendencies, and have done for many years, but it's fair to say they have been more tolerant of it than accepting. They, again, accept it.

So you plan how you're going to be "non-binary". You want to project a more androgynous image so how do you do that? You can start by ordering some skinny jeans from the women's section (you already know you're a size10 as you've been wearing colourful leggings in this size to the gym for a while, and had vowed to only ever wear leggings from your favourite brand at any exercise activity anyway). You order a women's denim jacket and the odd women's t-shirt. You even buy some low-heeled boots in tan suede. You continue to grow your hair (it hadn't been cut for a while as you wanted to present a more feminine style anyway). You buy some simple makeup (tinted moisturiser, concealer, eyeliner, mascara and some nude lipgloss).

Skinny jeans and Wonder Woman T-shirt with a touch of makeup and straightened hair Everyone's crazy 'bout a smart dressed them

This handles your casual presentation, but you want to make a statement so consider what you can do at work. You buy some chinos from the women's section that look almost indistinguishable from the male version that comprise your work wardrobe, except they have really shit pockets so you wonder what the point of wearing women's versions of things you have if all you do is lose pocket capacity. They do however make your bum look great. You buy a couple of work shirts from the women's section but decide they won't work as they are quite obviously feminine and cut very short, rather than androgynous. You realise that workwear seems to be very gender-coded which you may progress to at some point, but in the interim decide you'll stick with the boring boy shirts you're currently wearing.

Considering coming out at work, you search the work website for possible support and find one name associated with LGBTQ+ and EDI. She visits and you have a chat and she tells you she is trying to set up an LGBTQ+ Staff Network and asks you to join. You agree and find that you've become chair of the group by default. You feel something of a fraud, however, because you haven't had a lifetime of struggle, threats of violence or general abuse

The presentation in casual settings starts to produce results as you find you're getting mis-gendered (or miss-gendered, if you prefer). This might be helped by the fact that the we are coming out of a viral pandemic and most people are wearing face masks, but it also happens when not wearing one. You realise that the longer hair is a major asset for this as you had theorised when playing about with FaceApp and switching to the feminine version of yourself is the same picture but with longer hair. All the same, you obtain the contact number for a mobile hairdresser who is trans-friendly and you never look back, or if you do, you do it with a flick of your shoulder-length hair.

You start presenting more androgynously in social settings and wear the skinny jeans and girly tops at any events you're involved with like, as an example, comedy shows. You start dabbling with straightening your hair to give that sleek look of your now bob-cut hair. You wear the same jeans when casually knocking about to tip the balance in favour of androgyny or even femininity for people you meet. You even turn up to your work Christmas party in the same style with the makeup. It raises barely a mention.